So with that, this year is about to end.
I feel as underprepared and overwhelmed as I do every year. I read through the resolutions from last year as well. It didn’t feel very long ago. (I remember reading something a while ago saying that time was relative, and that was why each year feels shorter than the ones before. I, although believe that it is partially true, think it is more because we are all growing up now. We have a lot more to do, and less to look forward to, making the time seem to pass faster.) Anyway, I’ve learned how to properly use semi-colons since then (I hope), amongst other things.
I have to say that 2015 has been rather dramatic in comparison, as well. I’ll write a proper conclusion-post later this month (most likely on the 31st, because tradition).
What I find interesting as well is that when I was younger, on my… 10th birthday, I was doing some weird thinking about change. I believed that I would never think in the same ways as I did then (“I’ll never be 9 again,” and “One day I won’t think the way I do now.”), and that how could I possibly be 10 when I was 9 yesterday? I’m pretty sure everyone has had thoughts like that before at some point, and back then I was truly terrified that I would lose my sense of ‘me’ that I had acquired in those first 10 years of my life.
However, last year’s resolutions included one regarding change, and how I should accept it instead of being scared. Of course, this did not entirely work out this year (but I kind of expect myself not to change anymore considering that today we watched a movie in class which was also really scary and when I went home I cried. I did this in first grade as well. It has been an estimated 10 years). I have heard some teachers and my parents say that I have changed, though. It wasn’t exactly a switch of mindset, or anything, because I haven’t noticed. But:
I think they mean that I have matured.
Obviously, this is supposed to happen, but I am a rather slow-to-change person who likes to take their time, rather than embark on several goals at once. I can’t even… talk, really. Still. I have made many attempts. It is true that the more you tell about yourself the easier it is for others to believe you and understand, instead of assuming I’m just… some slacker. Not saying that I’m not a slacker, but. Well.
Although improvement is good, I’m disappointed. Last year, I viewed the forthcoming year(s) to be interesting, and I was even hopeful that maybe things would be looking up.
This year, I’m back to where I started. Honestly, the fact that I believed anyone or anything they said was one of the largest mistakes I’ve ever made. I can safely say that if the opportunity presented itself again, I would not make the same choices. I’ve been trying to make different choices—but as I am a last resort option, I don’t have many choices to begin with.
Inevitable events: although I take no part in the unfolding of the consequences, I can’t help but worry.
But it’s almost the end of the year, so;
Until then.
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