near constant

雨水。

So lately I’ve just been Doing Things without really thinking as much as I used to. I used to think that those thoughts were because I had some moral flaw or something that led me to “obsess” over situations, but turns out that I just have a lot of faulty wiring. Maybe the obsessions will lead to good stuff, I don’t know.

I was teaching a class of 11-12 y/os how to draw a chibi catgirl today, and I heard a lot of them ask how I could draw stuff so fast. “How do you do that? How do you free-draw like that? Tell me your secrets!”

Hmm… I have a lot of secrets. Secrets pertaining to why I can do certain things so well, at least. I practice in secret, take photos of myself in secret to use as reference, spend a lot of time watching videos and reading books to learn things… if you do something repeatedly, you’re bound to be fast at it eventually.

But I’m not very good at drawing. I’m not very good at a lot of things, actually, but I can wing it well enough (I hope). I’m also not as knowledgeable as I would like to be. My high school art teacher asked me a few days ago who my favourite contemporary artists are, and I drew a blank. I don’t know enough about baking and I keep flipping back to the same recipes every few weeks. I wish I could memorize everything!

After I got home from my little excursion, I’ve been really throwing myself into the whole Master Plan. I feel stupid and silly every night (like a child that’s mildly aware of having embarrassed themselves or their parents, but not really sure the magnitude of the issue), but when I wake up I just force myself to keep moving. Who knows, maybe this will work out. I can’t imagine it either failing or working well. I can’t imagine anything anymore.

I helped out with judging the science fair projects at my old high school earlier this week. That also felt surreal. I enjoyed the coffee a lot though… not many other people drank it.

I don’t have a lot to say this time. I haven’t had a spare quiet hour to write lately due to how packed the past week and a half have been. I love being busy, but I didn’t get to spend enough time with my own projects. Balance is hard. Hopefully I’ll have a little more for next time. Until then.