piece of cake

惊蛰。

I just ate a slice of frozen cheesecake that I’ve been slowly savouring for the past… few months. I was also thinking about metaphors and figures of speech, so I thought the title would work well. Maybe. I don’t know. Then I had to search for a suitable picture, and conveniently I had a bunch of unedited pictures I took with my DSLR during last year’s extended summer at home on my desktop, so I quickly slapped some adjustments and colour filters on and here we have it! A post!

Let’s see… I’ve done a considerable amount of school work (work in general, I guess) since last time, so I could start by talking about them a bit. I received a mark for one of them already, and it wasn’t … too good … but it was above average! Slightly! So I didn’t feel too bad. The other one I don’t know (if it’s any good) the mark, but it took a lot of work. I probably shouldn’t have done it all one day, but I did, and here it is: a story about baby hands. It’s based off of one of those thoughts I’ve always had running around my mind since high school (“my hands are small and can only hold so much”) (aka can’t hold anything) centred around my feelings of inadequacy. I remember always feeling like I wasn’t very good, just being myself. I felt like I was a terrible older sister, a bad student compared to my friends, a bad friend, a failure at being a Girl, an uninteresting person, and so on. As a teenager, those things were my entire world. I had no identity aside from the roles I was playing in others’ lives, and I was extremely passive. Again… I’m glad I chose to try being independent. I ended up being comfortable with how I wasn’t going to be a certain thing, or become the archetype. I was just going to make myself content, no matter how wonky I am, and when needed, offer my wonky little advice. I mean, I still have those Feelings of Inadequacy, but I get the vibe they’re always going to be here. A more than healthy dose of humility, in a way.

I’ve got a lot of work to do next week if I don’t want to cram again, so there’s not much else to report. Not exciting. I signed up for summer classes on Monday. They’re all online and at night, so I could go home, but I know it’s hard to focus at home. There’s a lot more distractions (like playing games with my brother and watching dramas with my sister and eating a lot and just… anything but work), and I’ll be too comfortable, but… well… anyway. I’ll think about it. I’m always thinking about it.

I find that my productivity and mood really varies from week to week. An irregular not-so-circular cycle of feeling like a pile of goop (man-soup) and a regular functioning person… I’m really not sure why, but I’m going to try to take advantage of this burst of Liveliness (or as lively as I’ll ever be). Anyway, I did my laundry today so my room smells all nice, and also it’s quite late so I’ll be off to sleep. Hard to believe it’s already March again.