芒种

Grain in ear.

One would imagine that there’s more time for introspection now that we’re still mostly residing at home, but honestly, the constant barrage of distractions and disasters make it difficult to find time to just sit there and zone out. I find that to be a welcoming thing, actually. I’ve spent a fair amount of time alone in the past few years, and all I did was ruminate, tossing the same questions up in the air, finding new conclusions, etc. All I’ve really concluded is that it’s too much work to always be thinking and assessing your own behaviour. There’s a line between healthy reflection and anxiety-fuelled obsession with progress.

I’ve still been playing games and occasionally doodling, but mostly just consuming things. Media, sugars, energy… just generally being a waste. I consider it lucky I get to be a lazy child again. It’s probably one of the last times I’ll be able to be this carefree. Not that I’m completely responsibility-less—my very existence is at least partly composed of responsibilities and anxiety. There’s a lot I have yet to do, but as always… one step at a time. I’ll do it later.

Anyway, this solar term is about planting rice and harvesting grains. Since I personally do not partake in the agriculture industry, I’ll address this in a different way: it’s getting warm! It’s almost summer, and my siblings will soon be on summer break. This break will be very different from the past few, but I’m sure that it’ll be fine. We can still have fun. There’s a lot of change to adapt to both macroscopically and within our own family, but with time, everything will be alright, and we’ll have another type of normalcy to return to.

I could just be fooling myself (as usual), but it’s been working, so. That’s it for now.